Languishing – Russ Bickerstaff

I don’t think that there’s any reason to panic. I mean the whole thing is kind of strange quite honestly and I don’t know what time to expect to happen. It’s all very strange. Of course there seems to be more things going on. I get the feeling that the sun is coming up soon. The shadows seem to be traveling in strange directions at strange angles with a very peculiar sense of velocity. I don’t doubt that there’s some kind of strange behavior about the light here. That kind of ends up being the state of things. It feels like I’m off planet even though I know I’m not, but the whole thing ends up being more than a little strange.

It feels as though I’m quite definitely sleeping though I may in fact not be. Ever since the introduction of the contaminant it’s difficult to tell anymore. And I know that I’m probably not awake or asleep, but does that mean that what I’m seeing is possibly dream AND reality? Difficult to say. Or not. I don’t know. It’s very, very difficult to tell.

And I get the feeling that it really doesn’t matter. Not substantially anyway. The important thing is that regardless . . . regardless the important thing is that time is passing. That’s very, very important. I just get the feeling that it might not be. And I guess that’s the real horror right now. That’s the real thing that could turn this from a half dream half reality into a half nightmare half disaster. It’s very, very difficult to say.

In any case . . . it’s summer. And the pet slug I’ve got seems to be looking at me in a rather strange way and I really have no idea what it’s trying to tell me. I get the feeling that the slug may be in some way exhaling some sort of contaminant with some sort of virus it may have contracted from outside in some way. Or not. It’s so hard to tell. In any case, the very, very important thing is that there may be in some way. It’s very, very difficult to tell.

Where was I? It’s difficult . . .yes the feeling is that it may have been kind of like there’s some kind of strange going on . . . like there may be time traveling in some kind of irregular pattern. The feeling is that the planet may be traveling faster than light or NEAR the speed of light. It’s very very difficult to tell. I mean, there really is no way to tell what’s going on. I only hope that we’re not off-planet. I’m fairly certain that we are. That is to say myself and the slug.

I should probably point out that the reason why it’s really important that time be traveling in a fairly straightforward motion is . . .we’re being picked up this slug and I. And there’s a very definite and predictable point in time in which there will be coming soon. And it will have to be coming very, very soon but it’s very, very difficult to tell.

The important thing is that time is traveling towards that point right now because the general uncertainty of things is going to be difficult to tell. I mean . . .time IS relative, right? So maybe it’s traveling in some kind of strange direction against it . . . and I get the feeling that things are moving away from that point in time and if they are, well . . . then it would seem to appear to be the case that we may, in fact be moving AWAY from the point at which there will be some kind of journey . . . the important thing going on here is that . . . this recon group is coming for myself and this most distinguished slug . . . fricking thing really SHOULD be wearing a bow tie and speaking with an English accent for all the trouble it’s made me and I get the feeling that there’s  some sort of sense in that, but everything . . .all of the anecdotal memory in my head seems to be swirling around in a weird way and I’m not altogether certain exactly how that is supposed to come together. The important thing is that the recon group will be coming to pull the slug and I out of this thing in time . . . before everything disintegrates into these weird, jellowy corners of things. It’s all very, very strange. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I know that something’s going on and under the circumstances, that’s probably the single most important thing right now. Everything else is just extra. Everything else is just details on the life preserver. The important thing is that it’s there. And the important thing is that myself and this slug (which I really SHOULD be naming) is going to be pulling through for me shortly. I don’t care what color the life preserver is so long as it is there. It doesn’t matter what it says on the life preserver so long as it is there.

So I guess that’s kind of where I am. But I guess the issue with that is the fact that there really isn’t anything much coherent beyond the immediate. There most definitely IS the sense that  everything seems to be disintegrating in strange directions beyond the immediate. I know for a fact that this is all going to hit soon. This whole oblivion thing certainly IS taking a long time in coming, but there really isn’t any sense of it just yet and I really need to name this goddamned slug . . . it’s decaying in my brain . . . there needs to be something here. It’s difficult for me to tell what is going to happen. There’s almost certainly something going on here beyond the immediate,  but it is all disintegrating.

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